Merry Christmas from da Jonz residence! Salama Kafaji got on her best Yashmak and Maliqua has hit da egg nog so we off an runnin.

I saw Iceland spokesperson Kerry Katona shopping at Sainsburys so I rang Iceland and axed if i could have her job. I ain't no snitch but thats what happens when you give some one a million pounds, they stop shoppin at your crap store...

After bookin rooms at Inns in Bethlehem Pennsylvania I thought I'd try da Ritz in London. Do you think da clever Brits would figure out somethin was strange about a pregnant lady named Mary bookin a room for da night with her husband Joseph and thier donkey???

I rang the Bethlehem Hotel and told my name was mary and booked a room at da Inn for December the 24th.... will they suspect anything when I tell em I'm pregnant and travelling wit a donkey?

I rang da local paper and aksed how much to take out an advert looking for "little people" for our annual church fundraiser. Can you believe this girl had never heard of Midget Tossing???

I saw an ad in da paper that said they was hiring "Santas Helpers"... but they get funny wit you if you have a police record.

I rang a Limo company to rent a car for a couple of hours to film my next video. I even offered to provide my own rubber sheets so as not to mess up thier leather!

Those nice people down at Claims Direct will help you sue anyone, even the director of my latest porn video, Position Impossible.

I rang up the laser clinic and axed them if they could remove my ex-husbands name off my ass. They so freindly there, they offered to hit me over the head with a brick. I don't think they wanna help out my grrl Champagne who has a tattoo on her "lips that don't sing"